DATING......
Life is all about change and being open to change. You have to be able to recognize that what you have been doing isn't working and go ahead and try something new, another way to get the result you wish to get.
This year I'm attempting to change my status from “single” to “in a relationship "so I'll be dating!! and I'm sharing my journey and my life with anyone that will listen or read. Why am I doing this? Well as I bring down the walls I've created, I really want people to know who I am. The soft side of me, the ghetto girl, the mom, the sister, the fighter, all of me. So I'm trying a few things, this being one of them.
My sister has started a “Date my Sister group” on her site www.maritorres.ning.com , I have a profile up on a singles site, and I also participate in singles events in my area so I'm trying to be proactive in my dating experience. I've gotten lots of e-mails and comment by women who are going or have gone through some of the things that I write about. I love reading what they say because it makes me feel closer to them in the knowledge that we are Women and we will go through these issues and complications and NO we are not alone in this, so please keep the e-mails coming I love them.
So this dating thing can be pretty scary. It's not as simple as you would think because we are dealing with people , relating with them and interacting with them and that involves emotions . Yes I said it, EMOTIONS.
It can be a bit messy because even if YOU feel you are emotionally ready (you have done some emotional work on yourself) that does not prepare you to get back into the thick of things, yes you have changed but everyone else might still be the same.
That was a rude awakening for me. I thought that since I worked on me I would attract someone like me....yeah no. I had to step back again and think about what I was trying to do in this thing called dating. Then I realized that although I had done the work the actual dating was going to be the hands on part of my schooling. This was going to be where I put everything I have learned about myself, relationships, the opposite sex and the world as I see it in general to practice.
I was still scared but very willing to learn whatever it is these relationship will teach me.
When you think about it, dating can be pretty enlightening. You definitely learn what you don't like.
I went out with a gentleman that was so shy and so nervous that he just could not say anything but “wow I can't believe you're actually here” throughout the whole dinner date. That date really taught me that I do want someone that is secure and has good conversations. So dating is not bad if you take it for what it is and learn the lessons that dating brings.
If you dated someone and then it went sour and now you're all over the internet berating this person, or talking about how horrible men/women are then you did not learn what you were suppose to learn from this encounter and guess what? you will continue to experience this until you get the lesson. Life is funny that way. Life wants you to succeed. It's like a video game, do you recall ever playing a video game and you had to learn certain section before moving to the next and as you progressed you got better at applying what you learn but the levels got harder? Well life is like that in every aspect including dating, you just have to keep at it until you get the results you want.....then you Win!
So he lied and said he was ready for a committed relationship and 4 months into the relationship you find out that HE doesn't even consider you a relationship. Dust yourself off and try again but take time to think about what you did in this relationship, did you ignore some flags, did you commit to it too fast, were you both not communicating where the relationship was going , if anywhere? Take time to learn the lessons. Maybe the lesson was that you have to listen to your inner voice . Whatever the case may be there is always a lesson "You" have to learn in order to move on.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Rock Bottom
Emotionally I was devastated, my mother was barely speaking to me , I had put my children through some major drama, my self-esteem was no where to be found and my life was going no where really fast. I needed to get away...run away, hide, lick my wounds. My children were going to Boston to visit with their dad and he asked me to come with them. This would give me time away from all this madness and I could think about what to do next.
We were in Boston 2 weeks when my brother called to tell me my father had died. I was on the Next flight back home.
This was a very dark time for me. I can still feel the pain of losing my father today as much as when he died. I don't think you ever get over it, you just learn to live with it and think more of the life instead of the death of that loved one. The break up of my 17 year marriage, the abuse I put myself through in the relationship following that break up and now the loss of my father took me to the very edge of my sanity. In less than 24 months I was going through it all.
In the last year I decided to write a book. I still don't have the title , but it's my story.
This is the introduction to my book
We were in Boston 2 weeks when my brother called to tell me my father had died. I was on the Next flight back home.
This was a very dark time for me. I can still feel the pain of losing my father today as much as when he died. I don't think you ever get over it, you just learn to live with it and think more of the life instead of the death of that loved one. The break up of my 17 year marriage, the abuse I put myself through in the relationship following that break up and now the loss of my father took me to the very edge of my sanity. In less than 24 months I was going through it all.
In the last year I decided to write a book. I still don't have the title , but it's my story.
This is the introduction to my book
“ When can my heart beat again, when does the pain ever end, when do the tears stop from running over , and when will my get over it begin”
-Baby face-
-Baby face-
She kneels at the foot of her bed clutching her abdomen. Sob escaping her lips, as tears streak down her face. Her head feels like it's about to explode; how did it come to this ? She asks herself. She is alone in her home. The children are out with friends. She is alone.
She looks around her room and again a pain rocks her as she realizes just how utterly alone she really is. She curls into a fetal position and continues to cry and sob until she has fallen asleep.
When she awakens she can't remember if she dreams or not. As she picks herself off the floor she can still see a few wet spots where she laid crying. She walks to the dresser and looks in the mirror. Who are you? What am I going to do? This can not be the life I am meant to live! She continues to stare at herself in the mirror as tears run down her face. She recalls all the things she wanted to do with her life, all the dreams she had. Her marriage , career, family nothing is like she imagined it or wanted it to be. WHY, WHY, WHY, can't I get this right!
She looks around her room and again a pain rocks her as she realizes just how utterly alone she really is. She curls into a fetal position and continues to cry and sob until she has fallen asleep.
When she awakens she can't remember if she dreams or not. As she picks herself off the floor she can still see a few wet spots where she laid crying. She walks to the dresser and looks in the mirror. Who are you? What am I going to do? This can not be the life I am meant to live! She continues to stare at herself in the mirror as tears run down her face. She recalls all the things she wanted to do with her life, all the dreams she had. Her marriage , career, family nothing is like she imagined it or wanted it to be. WHY, WHY, WHY, can't I get this right!
What am I doing wrong? How am I suppose to know what to do? Which way to go? what road to take! As she walks out of her bedroom she feels an emptiness like no other she has ever felt before, a painful lightness as if there is nothing inside her, just a hollowness. She realizes she has hit an emotional rock bottom , a spiritual disconnection and she knows she can not stay there in that place for very long. She walks to the living room, there she stops and smells her fathers chair. Although faded she can still smell the scent of him, it's there.
She looks at the family pictures on the wall and tears start to flow freely again.
Her marriage of 17 years to her childhood sweetheart fell apart and disintegrated right before her eyes a few years back. She lost the home she shared with her husband and children. She was forced to seek homeless assistance and scatter her children with relatives so that they would not have to endure living in the motel her homeless voucher paid for.
Her marriage of 17 years to her childhood sweetheart fell apart and disintegrated right before her eyes a few years back. She lost the home she shared with her husband and children. She was forced to seek homeless assistance and scatter her children with relatives so that they would not have to endure living in the motel her homeless voucher paid for.
She got into a relationship that was never a relationship at all, it was another one of life's jokes and it left her disappointed and disgusted with herself and they way her life was going.
She was a failure.
The death of her father devastated her, it was so unexpected. One minute he is there the next she is getting a call from her brother telling her that her father is dead.
She was a failure.
The death of her father devastated her, it was so unexpected. One minute he is there the next she is getting a call from her brother telling her that her father is dead.
This was too much to bear, the pain was too great, the hurt too deep. This pain was compounded by everything else she carried with her, all the loss that surrounded her , the lost love,loss of trust, lost relationships, loss of self, a girl lonely, a woman lost desperate for help.
As she looks at the family pictures she feels nothing but loss , she lean against the wall and lets herself slide to the floor. As tears stream down her face she mourns the loss of her father, the loss of her relationships, the loss of her innocence , the loss of her family the loss of her dignity , the loss of her self. As she taste the saltiness of her tears she looks around and knows that she has to do whatever it takes to reach out and some how come out of this emotional bottom because the thinking in this place is something she does not wish to entertain, the thinking here is utter hopelessness, pity, death and sorrow yet all she can do there in the darkest place of her soul is cry, cry and cry.
As she looks at the family pictures she feels nothing but loss , she lean against the wall and lets herself slide to the floor. As tears stream down her face she mourns the loss of her father, the loss of her relationships, the loss of her innocence , the loss of her family the loss of her dignity , the loss of her self. As she taste the saltiness of her tears she looks around and knows that she has to do whatever it takes to reach out and some how come out of this emotional bottom because the thinking in this place is something she does not wish to entertain, the thinking here is utter hopelessness, pity, death and sorrow yet all she can do there in the darkest place of her soul is cry, cry and cry.
After all the crying is done there comes a stillness......................
That's was deep huh? Some of us have to go to that rock bottom to find our way up. I know that was the case for me. I'm still learning my way around this thing called life. I'm still asking questions, I'm still reinventing myself and I'm in love with me. I'm not a therapist I'm just a woman trying to find her way, a human being trying to get it right.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
happiness is.....(Glendaliz 2010)
I was not always the woman I am today and by no means am I done. It's been a long hard road, with lots of mistakes and a lot of learning and growing. I'm still learning Me, so in a sense you are learning me with me. So lets go back a little bit maybe you can relate to the things I've put myself through in my search to be HAPPY.
Happiness is ….................
We all spend a great deal of our lives searching for happiness, longing to be loved and searching that someone that will love us. Do you remembered as a child our parents telling us the recipe to happiness? It went something like this, get good grade, respect your elders, learn to cook ,clean ( some of us were told to go to college) and when you find a mate you get married have children and live happily ever after. THE END!
Although our parents meant well, that is a crock of bullshit.
Everywhere we look there is something telling is us that if we are prettier, make more money, buy that great home, find that perfect job we will be happy. Yeah okay
No one ever told me that in order for me to find someone that will love me I had to love me first and know what that felt like. Guess what in my family I was never taught how to love me I was told that someone other than me will love me.
I spent the major part of my life searching for happiness , looking for love , approval and acceptance from others. At times I sincerely thought that I had found it but that feeling of happiness never last for long and I was off again searching for it.
My happiness way always dependent on something or someone other than me. I learn to cook, clean , and be a perfect little homemaker. I got married to a dreamy (dayum he foine ) man and I was happy , but there would be periods of “is this it” something inside me was screaming for something , I just didn't know what or who the hell it was disrupting my life doing all that screaming.
I got married very young, had children (3) and threw myself into being a wife and mother. That crazy little voice would creep up every now and then and I would beat it back down. I was happy!! dammit!
My mom use to say that once you got married and had children that was what you lived for , so of course I'm not going to my mother to tell her that I'm unhappy because that would mean that I'm ungrateful. So I decided not to disappoint my family (mother) and just ignore my unhappiness, I ignored that something inside me that was longing to come out .I did this for a very long time. Maybe if my husband got that great job we would be happy, buy a new car, purchase a home. I would give great dinner parties, wonderful birthday celebration for the kids, fantastic holiday gatherings and I would be happy. I will finally be complete.
I convinced myself that being the best wife, mother, the best daughter I would finally be happy. I did everything in my power to be all those things yet I was still unhappy
All the things I was raised to believe would make me happy were not making me happy at all. In fact now I was depressed because I believed something was terribly wrong with me. On the outside it appeared as if I had it all, I had my shit together. I had 3 great kids, a good looking great husband, family to surround myself with , a job , a home, yet in the inside I was a mess, I felt as if I was lost, dying inside myself and there was no one around to save me.
That fire that lived inside of me that I was constantly putting out, that voice that I continuously ignored was fighting to come out and be heard ...my spirit wanted to live. The more I fought this the more depressed I became with my life, about my life and in my life.
Where was this elusive happiness, and why couldn't I have it? That was my question every night I went to bed. God please stop me from wanting more, please make me happy. That was my prayer every night before I went to sleep.
Where is this happiness? I did everything I was told would bring me happiness yet I was miserable.
After the birth of my 3rd child (my son)in 1993 , things started to go down hill for my marriage, no matter how much we talked or I talked things just were not getting better. I felt as if we were just going through the motions. In 1999 I just could not pretend that all was great I just could not do it any longer and my husband and I separated. He went back East and I stayed in the West Coast with my 3 children.
How could you
Happiness is ….................
We all spend a great deal of our lives searching for happiness, longing to be loved and searching that someone that will love us. Do you remembered as a child our parents telling us the recipe to happiness? It went something like this, get good grade, respect your elders, learn to cook ,clean ( some of us were told to go to college) and when you find a mate you get married have children and live happily ever after. THE END!
Although our parents meant well, that is a crock of bullshit.
Everywhere we look there is something telling is us that if we are prettier, make more money, buy that great home, find that perfect job we will be happy. Yeah okay
No one ever told me that in order for me to find someone that will love me I had to love me first and know what that felt like. Guess what in my family I was never taught how to love me I was told that someone other than me will love me.
I spent the major part of my life searching for happiness , looking for love , approval and acceptance from others. At times I sincerely thought that I had found it but that feeling of happiness never last for long and I was off again searching for it.
My happiness way always dependent on something or someone other than me. I learn to cook, clean , and be a perfect little homemaker. I got married to a dreamy (dayum he foine ) man and I was happy , but there would be periods of “is this it” something inside me was screaming for something , I just didn't know what or who the hell it was disrupting my life doing all that screaming.
I got married very young, had children (3) and threw myself into being a wife and mother. That crazy little voice would creep up every now and then and I would beat it back down. I was happy!! dammit!
My mom use to say that once you got married and had children that was what you lived for , so of course I'm not going to my mother to tell her that I'm unhappy because that would mean that I'm ungrateful. So I decided not to disappoint my family (mother) and just ignore my unhappiness, I ignored that something inside me that was longing to come out .I did this for a very long time. Maybe if my husband got that great job we would be happy, buy a new car, purchase a home. I would give great dinner parties, wonderful birthday celebration for the kids, fantastic holiday gatherings and I would be happy. I will finally be complete.
I convinced myself that being the best wife, mother, the best daughter I would finally be happy. I did everything in my power to be all those things yet I was still unhappy
All the things I was raised to believe would make me happy were not making me happy at all. In fact now I was depressed because I believed something was terribly wrong with me. On the outside it appeared as if I had it all, I had my shit together. I had 3 great kids, a good looking great husband, family to surround myself with , a job , a home, yet in the inside I was a mess, I felt as if I was lost, dying inside myself and there was no one around to save me.
That fire that lived inside of me that I was constantly putting out, that voice that I continuously ignored was fighting to come out and be heard ...my spirit wanted to live. The more I fought this the more depressed I became with my life, about my life and in my life.
Where was this elusive happiness, and why couldn't I have it? That was my question every night I went to bed. God please stop me from wanting more, please make me happy. That was my prayer every night before I went to sleep.
Where is this happiness? I did everything I was told would bring me happiness yet I was miserable.
After the birth of my 3rd child (my son)in 1993 , things started to go down hill for my marriage, no matter how much we talked or I talked things just were not getting better. I felt as if we were just going through the motions. In 1999 I just could not pretend that all was great I just could not do it any longer and my husband and I separated. He went back East and I stayed in the West Coast with my 3 children.
Dear Husband
Why don’t we talk anymore?
It seems that we are more like roommates
Than husband and wife.
I try to reach you and tell you how I feel
But you have no clue, you don’t see what I see.
I get lonely even when you’re around
Now how ridiculous does that sound?
It’s not suppose to be this way
I question my actions why do I stay?
You’re my husband and I love you
I really do, but I can’t keep loving enough for two.
I can’t keep thinking that things will change
Cause when they do it’s only for a few days.
Why don’t I feel loved anymore?
It’s gotten so that I feel that loving me is a chore.
The only time we even touch is when we’re making love
And even then it’s so rehearsed that we make nothing at all.
The worst is feeling that I don’t seem to matter to enough for you
To listen to what I have to say.
So don’t be surprised if one day you can’t find me, if I disappear
In search of my own way.
You can say I got tired of living alone day to day.
Dear husband, I tried to love for the both of us, but I now know
That doesn’t work.
It seems that we are more like roommates
Than husband and wife.
I try to reach you and tell you how I feel
But you have no clue, you don’t see what I see.
I get lonely even when you’re around
Now how ridiculous does that sound?
It’s not suppose to be this way
I question my actions why do I stay?
You’re my husband and I love you
I really do, but I can’t keep loving enough for two.
I can’t keep thinking that things will change
Cause when they do it’s only for a few days.
Why don’t I feel loved anymore?
It’s gotten so that I feel that loving me is a chore.
The only time we even touch is when we’re making love
And even then it’s so rehearsed that we make nothing at all.
The worst is feeling that I don’t seem to matter to enough for you
To listen to what I have to say.
So don’t be surprised if one day you can’t find me, if I disappear
In search of my own way.
You can say I got tired of living alone day to day.
Dear husband, I tried to love for the both of us, but I now know
That doesn’t work.
Love
Your wife
Your wife
I didn't even give myself time to breath, heal or any of that good stuff you're suppose to do, I flew straight into another relationship in search of the happiness I'm suppose to be having. Did I mention that I was a mess? Yes I was an emotional wreck, but by this time I was so good at faking it that I actually convinced myself that I knew what I needed.
That relationship lasted 2 years but it ended 6 months into the relationship. Why did it last 1/1/2 years longer than it should have? Because I was also raised to stick it out, and if I made this decision then even if it's not good for me I have to live with it. Well that philosophy went out the window when he started doing drugs and cheating on me and when it got physical it was time for me to go.
That relationship lasted 2 years but it ended 6 months into the relationship. Why did it last 1/1/2 years longer than it should have? Because I was also raised to stick it out, and if I made this decision then even if it's not good for me I have to live with it. Well that philosophy went out the window when he started doing drugs and cheating on me and when it got physical it was time for me to go.
What attracted me to this man? He made me feel that I could do anything I set my heart to do, he listen to my dreams and made me believe he wanted to take care of me......just as long as I did anything he asked me to do without question. Yeah right .
I didn't think there was any lesson to learn from this experience because at the time I was still a HOT, HOT mess., but I did learn a valuable lesson actually a few. I just was not ready to see them at that time.
I didn't think there was any lesson to learn from this experience because at the time I was still a HOT, HOT mess., but I did learn a valuable lesson actually a few. I just was not ready to see them at that time.
One thing I know today is how to spot another person who is deep in HOT mess....they blame everyone but themselves for what is occurring in their life.
Now I know you are saying to yourself “ I know she learn lots of valuable lessons and finally got it” Whateva! There was nothing wrong with me. Nothing to learn.
Even though I was the one that walked out of this relationship it hurt me like nothing I could have imagined. Instead of saying to myself good riddance or thank God I got out of that, I berated myself.
Even though I was the one that walked out of this relationship it hurt me like nothing I could have imagined. Instead of saying to myself good riddance or thank God I got out of that, I berated myself.
I cried myself to sleep at night asking myself “what did I do wrong”? Maybe if I was sexier, or lost 20 pounds he would not have cheated? If I paid more attention maybe he would not have done drugs. Then sometimes it would sound like this , “how stupid could you be to get with a man that does drugs”. Then it hit me , everything was a lie. He was never the person he made himself out to be, I felt even worse. How could I let myself get swept away by bullshit!
How could you
How could you have known that the life saver
He offered was defective?
How could you have known that the
Warmth of his embrace one day would
Burn you?
How could you have known that his
Words would cut you, that
Your world would be turned
Upside down because
You believed him.
How could you have known that the
Touch you craved to the point of pain
was the prelude to the pain.
That the lips that took you to heaven
Would one day send you
straight to hell.
How could you have known that his
“I love you” really said “I own you”
That the love making was really a
Violation
that with every thrust you
would lose yourself.
How could you have known that by
Loving him you would hate
Yourself.
Trying to be perfect for him.
How could you have known that
He really didn’t love you.
IF you could have known…..Would you?
He offered was defective?
How could you have known that the
Warmth of his embrace one day would
Burn you?
How could you have known that his
Words would cut you, that
Your world would be turned
Upside down because
You believed him.
How could you have known that the
Touch you craved to the point of pain
was the prelude to the pain.
That the lips that took you to heaven
Would one day send you
straight to hell.
How could you have known that his
“I love you” really said “I own you”
That the love making was really a
Violation
that with every thrust you
would lose yourself.
How could you have known that by
Loving him you would hate
Yourself.
Trying to be perfect for him.
How could you have known that
He really didn’t love you.
IF you could have known…..Would you?
My Mate (Glendaliz2010)
My Mate
Have you ever imagined what that person that you yearn for will be like? When I imagine my mate I can never see his face. I want to but it just doesn't materialize that way for me. I mean I can describe what I'm attracted to , Full lips, soft skin, smiling eyes, beautiful teeth, great smile..etc but I can't put it together to make one man. That seems to elude me.
So when I imagine my mate and I, it's more what I want the relationship to look like and the feelings being with this man will evoke. That is how I will know.
One thing for sure my mate is tall, I'm 5'1” but I love a tall man 5'10 and over. Something about a tall man just makes me feel protected and I love that feeling. He is intelligent ( intelligence is SEXY) we have conversations on just about everything but what I love most about him is that when he doesn't know something he is willing to say so and look for the answer. He loves my sense of humor and understands where it comes from. He is kind and compassionate.
He feels and understands the connection we have to each other, and has a spiritual respect for others. My mate is very good looking and waking up to his smiling face put a pep in my step everyday. He is successful and motivated.
He supports me in the things I do. We have intimate conversations that at times go on for hours. We love each others company and enjoy exploring our surrounding and traveling. He is not afraid to kiss me, touch me or shower me with love he understands that having a good woman is a very good thing. He loves being with his family and shares a very special bond with them. He has a high sex drive that I take advantage of ALL the time...lol when we make love there is nothing we will not do to please each other.
He is very romantic, I can always find a note, a letter , an e-mail or something that he has left me telling me how much I am loved and appreciated. He is not afraid to share his feeling with me, although sometimes he may take a little longer to do so , I know that eventually he will share. We give each other the space needed to explore things outside of us, we are both independent of each other but at the same time depending on each other.
There is nothing I will not do for this man and he knows this and is secure in that knowledge. He never stops me from being as loving as I wish to be toward him and this makes me love him even more.
I take interest in things that he is involved with and he does the same for me. He enjoys spending time with my children ( he thinks my daughters are hilarious and a lil crazy) and is a great role model to my son Thomas. I Adore this man.
That is my man , isn't he wonderful ? I think so too.
So now that we know what my man looks like maybe we can speed up his arrival. I need you to send positive energy my way.
In the meantime I will just prepare myself for his arrival and kiss a few toads along the way. I'm sure he won't mind....toad kisses taste like chicken....lol
But for you, well you get special treatment I will give you a little more insight into my life and who I am.
What?
You thought this was going to be just about my love life?? come on now. My love life is not so interesting that I can just blog about that part. Who's love life is that interesting?
Okay so maybe other people do live super, exciting love lives but this is not about them it's about me and my search for my special man, AND that special me.
Have you ever imagined what that person that you yearn for will be like? When I imagine my mate I can never see his face. I want to but it just doesn't materialize that way for me. I mean I can describe what I'm attracted to , Full lips, soft skin, smiling eyes, beautiful teeth, great smile..etc but I can't put it together to make one man. That seems to elude me.
So when I imagine my mate and I, it's more what I want the relationship to look like and the feelings being with this man will evoke. That is how I will know.
One thing for sure my mate is tall, I'm 5'1” but I love a tall man 5'10 and over. Something about a tall man just makes me feel protected and I love that feeling. He is intelligent ( intelligence is SEXY) we have conversations on just about everything but what I love most about him is that when he doesn't know something he is willing to say so and look for the answer. He loves my sense of humor and understands where it comes from. He is kind and compassionate.
He feels and understands the connection we have to each other, and has a spiritual respect for others. My mate is very good looking and waking up to his smiling face put a pep in my step everyday. He is successful and motivated.
He supports me in the things I do. We have intimate conversations that at times go on for hours. We love each others company and enjoy exploring our surrounding and traveling. He is not afraid to kiss me, touch me or shower me with love he understands that having a good woman is a very good thing. He loves being with his family and shares a very special bond with them. He has a high sex drive that I take advantage of ALL the time...lol when we make love there is nothing we will not do to please each other.
He is very romantic, I can always find a note, a letter , an e-mail or something that he has left me telling me how much I am loved and appreciated. He is not afraid to share his feeling with me, although sometimes he may take a little longer to do so , I know that eventually he will share. We give each other the space needed to explore things outside of us, we are both independent of each other but at the same time depending on each other.
There is nothing I will not do for this man and he knows this and is secure in that knowledge. He never stops me from being as loving as I wish to be toward him and this makes me love him even more.
I take interest in things that he is involved with and he does the same for me. He enjoys spending time with my children ( he thinks my daughters are hilarious and a lil crazy) and is a great role model to my son Thomas. I Adore this man.
That is my man , isn't he wonderful ? I think so too.
So now that we know what my man looks like maybe we can speed up his arrival. I need you to send positive energy my way.
In the meantime I will just prepare myself for his arrival and kiss a few toads along the way. I'm sure he won't mind....toad kisses taste like chicken....lol
But for you, well you get special treatment I will give you a little more insight into my life and who I am.
What?
You thought this was going to be just about my love life?? come on now. My love life is not so interesting that I can just blog about that part. Who's love life is that interesting?
Okay so maybe other people do live super, exciting love lives but this is not about them it's about me and my search for my special man, AND that special me.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Want Ads (Glendaliz2010)
I read a book by Barbara DeAngelis Entitled “Are you the one for me” I love this book it's a very interesting read so if you haven't read it pick it up you will enjoy it. Anyway in this book I found some “Emotional want Ads” The first one is what most us want .
Wanted:
“Attractive, Sensitive, caring person for a permanent relationship.
Must be emotionally open, able to talk about feelings, unafraid of intimacy.
Successful but not a workaholic , with a great sense of humor.
Knows how to make me feel really loved and appreciated.
If you are healthy, honest, faithful and ready for
a commitment, I'm the one for you!”
That sounds great doesn't it. I want this person right NOW!
The books goes on to tell us how, many times we know what we want but instead of getting the things from the first “”Emotional Want Ad” we attract and end up with this :
The books goes on to tell us how, many times we know what we want but instead of getting the things from the first “”Emotional Want Ad” we attract and end up with this :
Wanted:
“Self-absorbed, damaged loser who has lots of potential and is doing nothing with it.
Must be immature, irresponsible, and lazy. Low sex drive a bonus.
No skill, background or success required. If you're looking for someone to
make empty promises to and like to blame others for your
failures, call me now. Men with jobs need not apply”.
“Self-absorbed, damaged loser who has lots of potential and is doing nothing with it.
Must be immature, irresponsible, and lazy. Low sex drive a bonus.
No skill, background or success required. If you're looking for someone to
make empty promises to and like to blame others for your
failures, call me now. Men with jobs need not apply”.
At first I thought this was hilarious, then I did the exercises in the book and realized that I was the poster child for attracting exactly what I did not want. Please pick up the book and read it. Like I said before it's very informative and insightful.
I'm an avid reader and I've come to realize that I am a work in progress, I am a never ending, always evolving spiritual being who's sole purpose in life is to manifest in this body my highest self. Basically to be the best person I can be one day at a time all the while learning about me and choosing to not make the same mistakes over and over BUT if and when I do make the same mistakes I FORGIVE myself.
I'm an avid reader and I've come to realize that I am a work in progress, I am a never ending, always evolving spiritual being who's sole purpose in life is to manifest in this body my highest self. Basically to be the best person I can be one day at a time all the while learning about me and choosing to not make the same mistakes over and over BUT if and when I do make the same mistakes I FORGIVE myself.
“ To Find out what kind of person you've been seeking,
look at the kind of partners you've ended up with”
Barbara DeAngelis, Ph. D
look at the kind of partners you've ended up with”
Barbara DeAngelis, Ph. D
I was attracting and still sometimes attract the kind of man that I'm suppose to stay away from.
They don't magically disappear, after all I am a very good looking single woman I'm not going to knock them for trying. The difference with me today is that I try very hard to listen to my innervoice, acknowledge those red flags and do what is in MY best interest. I do my very best to minimize the hurt for myself and a potential mate. I don't play around with anyone's emotions and I refuse to ALLOW anyone to play with mine lets not forget “Ghetto Girl” Still lives here.
They don't magically disappear, after all I am a very good looking single woman I'm not going to knock them for trying. The difference with me today is that I try very hard to listen to my innervoice, acknowledge those red flags and do what is in MY best interest. I do my very best to minimize the hurt for myself and a potential mate. I don't play around with anyone's emotions and I refuse to ALLOW anyone to play with mine lets not forget “Ghetto Girl” Still lives here.
With all the soul searching I've been doing and have done, I still found myself up at night thinking about my mate, the perfect man for me. On one of these nights I asked myself "Glendaliz what is it that you really want"? I thought about that for a little while and then I smiled because I realized that I didn't want perfection in a man , what I want, really want is to be able to perfectly see my imperfect man, to really see him and love him in all his imperfections that is what I most desire. I wrote the poem below on the night I realized what I needed. It was August, 2004
Imperfect man
The man for me I will find without being blind
I will take my time to find a friend
Someone in whom I can depend.
He will stimulate my mind and excite
My senses , without all the bullshit and drama
With all it’s consequences.
We will take the time to know one another
Without having to sex on each other.
He will be a gentleman in every way
And for this I will love him more
And more each day.
We will form a friendship based on trust
And build a foundation of love not lust.
In time in his eyes I will see
That he is in love with me.
We will be open with each other and
Share all our dreams
And one day I know happy I will be.
No longer am I looking for that perfect man
What I’m looking for is to see my
Imperfect man…..perfectly.
I will take my time to find a friend
Someone in whom I can depend.
He will stimulate my mind and excite
My senses , without all the bullshit and drama
With all it’s consequences.
We will take the time to know one another
Without having to sex on each other.
He will be a gentleman in every way
And for this I will love him more
And more each day.
We will form a friendship based on trust
And build a foundation of love not lust.
In time in his eyes I will see
That he is in love with me.
We will be open with each other and
Share all our dreams
And one day I know happy I will be.
No longer am I looking for that perfect man
What I’m looking for is to see my
Imperfect man…..perfectly.
Written by Glendaliz Torres
ohhhhh You all thought I didn't have poetry skills? Yup I do , now you know something else about me. I told you there is a lot more to me, just pay attention.
My Profile (Glendaliz 2010)
My Profile
I am a 44 year old woman . I'm 5'1” (fun size), brown skin, thick ( not fat), love sunsets , walks on the beach, blah blah blah. That's me trying to describe myself on a dating site. Oh yes!! I've done the singles/dating/love sites I actually still have an active profile on one. Let me tell you some of these sites are just horrible. I will take “PIMP NIGHT” at the double tree before I subject myself to some of the men on most of these sites.
Now not all sites are bad, just like not all clubs or park or laundromats are bad...lol if that's where you choose to meet men or women . Just do your research . One of the things these sites require you to do is build a profile. That can be really challenging for some, it was for me. Although my self esteem is in pretty good condition it's hard for me to describe myself or try to make a person find me interesting in 500 characters or less it's almost impossible. Actually it's pretty ridiculous especially since we will always try to put our best attributes on display.
So how realistic are these profiles?
My dilemma was how to describe myself without sounding like I'm too good to be true , or as if I'm full of myself? By the way did you know that people lie about who they are? Yeah it's true they lie....lol
Some of you may not believe this but I was on a dating/relationship hiatus for a few years, yes me Ghetto Girl I was on strike! Actually I had been making some really bad choices when it came to men so I decided to just take some time away from it all and really figure out what was wrong with me. Notice I did not say what was wrong with them. Oh yes I knew who the common denominator was...ME!
I felt that I needed to get to know me and figure out what I really wanted so that I could stop attracting all the things I didn't want. Does that make sense?
During this time I also learned what I could bring to the table and what I was lacking . During this process I learned what I really value in a relationship. Y'all know what I'm talking about. The wants, needs, must have, hell no's and I can work with , that we secretly have in our heads and are constantly adding to or deleting from.
Let me tell you all something about that mental list we have...IT'S RIDICULOUS!!!!
Have you checked on your list lately? Can you see how unrealistic these lists can be? I mean when I wrote my list out on paper I was describing Jesus!!! well minus the sex part, but I'm sure Jesus had sex and if he did it had to be perfect after all he was perfection. I digress , sorry. What I was saying is that I learned that I was a list maker, but thank God I learned what I value , what it looks like in a relationship and most of all I learned that no one person can fulfill all my needs, I have to look to myself to provide what it is I need.
That lesson open me up to a lot of mind blowing revelations about me.
So do you remember when I said “I intend to be married by the time I'm 45” yeah well at the time that I said it I was so not ready to receive what I was asking for, hell I didn't even have a clear idea of what I was asking for., and don't even act like I'm the only one making these mistakes we all do it at one time or another. I'm just putting it out there in the open for you to read, criticize, scrutinize and comment.
So I was full of shit, there I said it!
Today I'm a little more wiser, a little more enlightened, a little more open, and a lot more loving with myself (not that kind of self love) . So do I have a hard time describing myself in 500 characters or less, hell yeah because I'm so much more than what 500 characters can describe and everyday I learn something new that I must add, but if you really insist that I describe myself , if you really need to know who I am then I must do it my way …..............
Me , Myself ...and all that makes me
Ladies do you think men really want to know who we are? Do they want to move past that first impression of us and really see us? On a few occasions I have come across a man or two that really didn't ( by what they said or did) seem to want to know who I really am they only wanted that woman they first met and really didn't expect me to change( their word) at ALL.
This was very confusing to me because I felt that the more time you spend with me the more you will know of me. Isn't that the way it's suppose to work? The woman that I am feels free to love all that is Me. If there is something about me you don't understand or like we can talk about it but don't judge me,or try to use Me against Me because I don't fit your mold of how I should BE.
Because of these kinds of incidents I came up with this description of me.
Spiritual: I believe in God and was raised in the church. I'll go to church when I feel the need to but I'm not too crazy about organized religion.
Loving: I'm a very loving woman. I love physical contact so holding hands, caressing and touching is something that I will do. Cuddling is a must.
Nurturing: I enjoy taking care of those I love whether that's caring for you when you're sick or being your cheerleader, I offer my support and assistance when needed. I also enjoy caring for people in my community and I love working with youth.
Funny: I enjoy laughing and making others laugh. My sister says that I am the life of the party and she is very wise so I believe her. A night out to a comedy club is always a good thing and a great first date.
Good looking: I've been told that I'm very attractive and I believe that I am, but don't get it twisted we all don't walk around with photo-shop, I wake up good looking and after I apply my MAC I'm beautiful.
Thoughtful: I try to be considerate of the needs of others. I enjoy doing special things for birthdays, good grades, or just doing something nice to show I appreciate you. I treat people the way I want to be treated.
Ambitious: I have a strong desire to succeed, in life, love and business. I want to do more and be more than just another being breathing. I want to make a difference in the lives of those around me. I strive to be the best human being I can be. I'm returning to school to get my degree in Psychology.
Thinker: I've been accused of being a “deep “ person . I enjoy reading and learning. I think a lot , my mind is always going and at time I can over think things. I've learned not to take myself so serious but it takes me a little while to get over me.
Neat : I'm a very good housekeeper. I enjoy a clean home and I like things in order and in their place. Some call me a neat freak, others ( my children ) say I have a touch of OCD...I just like the things that I CAN control to be in order.
Shy :believe it or not I am ...lol even though you would not know it by interacting with me. I've trained myself to be out going because I didn't want to be shy but depending on the situation and surroundings I can be a little shy.
Loyal: I am very loyal with those that have earned my loyalty but because I love you I will tell you if you are wrong. Now in a relationship I am and always will be loyal to myself First.
Hood: hmmmm I have to say I am hood, and coming from that environment has helped me in many situations especially when speaking with inner city youth and also when conducting workshops, but when speaking to the people that will hire me to speak I'm all business....I can be Glendaliz Torres , or Ghetto Girl ….I've yet to set anyone's clothes on fire, flatten tires, bleached clothes, or gotten a man fired by acting a dayum fool at his job but I'm capable of doing all those things and cussing you out in English and Spanish…..just keeping it 100.
Romantic: I love Love and all that comes with it, romance is a very big part of me. Little notes, on the mirror, a call to say your special to me, or a picnic in the park these things may sound corny but they all say I care for you. I believe a man should be romance just as much as a woman. .
Sensitive: OK lets talk about this one. I've been criticized for being sensitive and I will admit I am and now that I'm in my 40's I'm even more sensitive. So yes I cry when I see the birth of a baby, I cry at wedding because of the joy I feel for the couple, sometimes I cry when I watch a movie (like my sisters keeper). If you say something that will hurt my feeling I may or may not cry , but my feeling will be hurt and you will know it. Because I am sensitive I try not to hurt those that I love and will apologize if I do. I'm learning to give myself time to think things through and not take everything said or done to me to heart it's not always about me.
Good communicator: I like to communicate my thoughts, and feelings. Sometimes it's hard for me to be around a non-communicator. Communication to me is key in any relationship. We spend too much time assuming what other said, or meant to say and not enough time really trying to understand each other. I'm working really hard to have better listening skills...what ? I'm a work in progress! Communication is something that I think I will always be learning and applying in my life. If you are a person with walls, barriers or other obstacles that keep you from having a relationship you might want to just skip me. I value communication very much and I can NOT be in any relationship without it.
Sexual: I am a highly sexual woman. I've read books that state that once in our 40's a woman's sex drive dissipates......I'm waiting. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality and as far as sex I don't believe I have any inhibitions.....lets leave it at that for all y'all that thought I was gonna get all graphic and sexual...it's a description dammit ! I will talk about my sex life at another time.
Great Cook: Lets just say I can get down in the kitchen. The food network is my friend and I pretty much can cook anything I set out to cook.
Great MOM: My kids tell me that I've been and continue to be a great mom to them and again , I believe them. I'm not trying to be anyone else mom, nor am I popping out any more babies. My uterus is closed !
Okay that is me in a nutshell...lol
There is much more of me but why bore you all to death with it right now.
I am a 44 year old woman . I'm 5'1” (fun size), brown skin, thick ( not fat), love sunsets , walks on the beach, blah blah blah. That's me trying to describe myself on a dating site. Oh yes!! I've done the singles/dating/love sites I actually still have an active profile on one. Let me tell you some of these sites are just horrible. I will take “PIMP NIGHT” at the double tree before I subject myself to some of the men on most of these sites.
Now not all sites are bad, just like not all clubs or park or laundromats are bad...lol if that's where you choose to meet men or women . Just do your research . One of the things these sites require you to do is build a profile. That can be really challenging for some, it was for me. Although my self esteem is in pretty good condition it's hard for me to describe myself or try to make a person find me interesting in 500 characters or less it's almost impossible. Actually it's pretty ridiculous especially since we will always try to put our best attributes on display.
So how realistic are these profiles?
My dilemma was how to describe myself without sounding like I'm too good to be true , or as if I'm full of myself? By the way did you know that people lie about who they are? Yeah it's true they lie....lol
Some of you may not believe this but I was on a dating/relationship hiatus for a few years, yes me Ghetto Girl I was on strike! Actually I had been making some really bad choices when it came to men so I decided to just take some time away from it all and really figure out what was wrong with me. Notice I did not say what was wrong with them. Oh yes I knew who the common denominator was...ME!
I felt that I needed to get to know me and figure out what I really wanted so that I could stop attracting all the things I didn't want. Does that make sense?
During this time I also learned what I could bring to the table and what I was lacking . During this process I learned what I really value in a relationship. Y'all know what I'm talking about. The wants, needs, must have, hell no's and I can work with , that we secretly have in our heads and are constantly adding to or deleting from.
Let me tell you all something about that mental list we have...IT'S RIDICULOUS!!!!
Have you checked on your list lately? Can you see how unrealistic these lists can be? I mean when I wrote my list out on paper I was describing Jesus!!! well minus the sex part, but I'm sure Jesus had sex and if he did it had to be perfect after all he was perfection. I digress , sorry. What I was saying is that I learned that I was a list maker, but thank God I learned what I value , what it looks like in a relationship and most of all I learned that no one person can fulfill all my needs, I have to look to myself to provide what it is I need.
That lesson open me up to a lot of mind blowing revelations about me.
So do you remember when I said “I intend to be married by the time I'm 45” yeah well at the time that I said it I was so not ready to receive what I was asking for, hell I didn't even have a clear idea of what I was asking for., and don't even act like I'm the only one making these mistakes we all do it at one time or another. I'm just putting it out there in the open for you to read, criticize, scrutinize and comment.
So I was full of shit, there I said it!
Today I'm a little more wiser, a little more enlightened, a little more open, and a lot more loving with myself (not that kind of self love) . So do I have a hard time describing myself in 500 characters or less, hell yeah because I'm so much more than what 500 characters can describe and everyday I learn something new that I must add, but if you really insist that I describe myself , if you really need to know who I am then I must do it my way …..............
Me , Myself ...and all that makes me
Ladies do you think men really want to know who we are? Do they want to move past that first impression of us and really see us? On a few occasions I have come across a man or two that really didn't ( by what they said or did) seem to want to know who I really am they only wanted that woman they first met and really didn't expect me to change( their word) at ALL.
This was very confusing to me because I felt that the more time you spend with me the more you will know of me. Isn't that the way it's suppose to work? The woman that I am feels free to love all that is Me. If there is something about me you don't understand or like we can talk about it but don't judge me,or try to use Me against Me because I don't fit your mold of how I should BE.
Because of these kinds of incidents I came up with this description of me.
Spiritual: I believe in God and was raised in the church. I'll go to church when I feel the need to but I'm not too crazy about organized religion.
Loving: I'm a very loving woman. I love physical contact so holding hands, caressing and touching is something that I will do. Cuddling is a must.
Nurturing: I enjoy taking care of those I love whether that's caring for you when you're sick or being your cheerleader, I offer my support and assistance when needed. I also enjoy caring for people in my community and I love working with youth.
Funny: I enjoy laughing and making others laugh. My sister says that I am the life of the party and she is very wise so I believe her. A night out to a comedy club is always a good thing and a great first date.
Good looking: I've been told that I'm very attractive and I believe that I am, but don't get it twisted we all don't walk around with photo-shop, I wake up good looking and after I apply my MAC I'm beautiful.
Thoughtful: I try to be considerate of the needs of others. I enjoy doing special things for birthdays, good grades, or just doing something nice to show I appreciate you. I treat people the way I want to be treated.
Ambitious: I have a strong desire to succeed, in life, love and business. I want to do more and be more than just another being breathing. I want to make a difference in the lives of those around me. I strive to be the best human being I can be. I'm returning to school to get my degree in Psychology.
Thinker: I've been accused of being a “deep “ person . I enjoy reading and learning. I think a lot , my mind is always going and at time I can over think things. I've learned not to take myself so serious but it takes me a little while to get over me.
Neat : I'm a very good housekeeper. I enjoy a clean home and I like things in order and in their place. Some call me a neat freak, others ( my children ) say I have a touch of OCD...I just like the things that I CAN control to be in order.
Shy :believe it or not I am ...lol even though you would not know it by interacting with me. I've trained myself to be out going because I didn't want to be shy but depending on the situation and surroundings I can be a little shy.
Loyal: I am very loyal with those that have earned my loyalty but because I love you I will tell you if you are wrong. Now in a relationship I am and always will be loyal to myself First.
Hood: hmmmm I have to say I am hood, and coming from that environment has helped me in many situations especially when speaking with inner city youth and also when conducting workshops, but when speaking to the people that will hire me to speak I'm all business....I can be Glendaliz Torres , or Ghetto Girl ….I've yet to set anyone's clothes on fire, flatten tires, bleached clothes, or gotten a man fired by acting a dayum fool at his job but I'm capable of doing all those things and cussing you out in English and Spanish…..just keeping it 100.
Romantic: I love Love and all that comes with it, romance is a very big part of me. Little notes, on the mirror, a call to say your special to me, or a picnic in the park these things may sound corny but they all say I care for you. I believe a man should be romance just as much as a woman. .
Sensitive: OK lets talk about this one. I've been criticized for being sensitive and I will admit I am and now that I'm in my 40's I'm even more sensitive. So yes I cry when I see the birth of a baby, I cry at wedding because of the joy I feel for the couple, sometimes I cry when I watch a movie (like my sisters keeper). If you say something that will hurt my feeling I may or may not cry , but my feeling will be hurt and you will know it. Because I am sensitive I try not to hurt those that I love and will apologize if I do. I'm learning to give myself time to think things through and not take everything said or done to me to heart it's not always about me.
Good communicator: I like to communicate my thoughts, and feelings. Sometimes it's hard for me to be around a non-communicator. Communication to me is key in any relationship. We spend too much time assuming what other said, or meant to say and not enough time really trying to understand each other. I'm working really hard to have better listening skills...what ? I'm a work in progress! Communication is something that I think I will always be learning and applying in my life. If you are a person with walls, barriers or other obstacles that keep you from having a relationship you might want to just skip me. I value communication very much and I can NOT be in any relationship without it.
Sexual: I am a highly sexual woman. I've read books that state that once in our 40's a woman's sex drive dissipates......I'm waiting. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality and as far as sex I don't believe I have any inhibitions.....lets leave it at that for all y'all that thought I was gonna get all graphic and sexual...it's a description dammit ! I will talk about my sex life at another time.
Great Cook: Lets just say I can get down in the kitchen. The food network is my friend and I pretty much can cook anything I set out to cook.
Great MOM: My kids tell me that I've been and continue to be a great mom to them and again , I believe them. I'm not trying to be anyone else mom, nor am I popping out any more babies. My uterus is closed !
Okay that is me in a nutshell...lol
There is much more of me but why bore you all to death with it right now.
I'm sure you want me to get to my dating adventures or lack of dating adventures. But first is there is anything about me that I left out please feel free to e-mail me or better yet leave me a comment and I will see if I can clear things up for you. Ohhhhh but I'm sure you are all thinking WAIT, I love this woman , she is perfect, I will move heaven and earth for her , how can I have her, I want to be her! Slow your roll people. I knew you guys would not let me get away with just the good stuff so here goes and let me clarify that some of these things are not necessarily bad to me, but maybe to others like....
- I rent an apartment I don't own my own home
- I'm very emotional
- My credit score is not that great and I have some Debt
- I drive a 1989 Toyota ( ugly Betty cause she doesn't look that great but she is loyal)
- Sometimes I doubt myself ,(but I'm far from being insecure)
- I can be a bit controlling ( when shit don't get done like I asked )
- I don't work out as much as I should
- I procrastinate/ I'm a crammer
- I have a high sex drive ( sometimes when I'm single like now I don't like this)
- Not into long distance relationships (but hey I could meet someone that will change my mind but so far No Go)
- I curse like a sailor
- I love Disco Music
I think that's it. I'm sure more will come out during this year long experience.
Glendaliz 2010
“By my 45th birthday I intend to be happily married to the man of my dreams”. Yup I said it at the time that I said it I was 40, four years ago. I really believed that I would be married by 45 I mean how hard can it be to find a man of my liking that is compatible with me that would want to build a life with me..a beautiful, strong, loving woman.
In 11 months I will celebrate my 45th birthday and I am still single. Should I move the date to maybe 47? or should I let 45 pass without a care because after all what I really desire is a healthy fulfilling relationship. I don't have to be married by 45 or even 47, but I do crave that special male/ female romantic relationship. I refuse to lose myself in the search of a mate to become a desperate woman willing to settle for spare moments, useless orgasms, and the fake company of Representatives. Been there done that, It did not bring me closer to my mate but it did take me to the edge of insanity which by the way is not fun at all.
Don't get me wrong I enjoy dating but it's a numbers game. The more men I get to know or date the higher my chances of meeting someone suited for me.
I've dated really great guys, and some not so great but the really great guys were great but not for me. I've dated men that said they were ready for a committed relationship, but did not even know what that looked like. A few men wanted to marry me after the first date, can we say restraining order? I've dated serial daters, and I even dated a man that wanted to make me wife number 4, yeah right!. With all this dating I was doing I still have not come close to finding my life partner. Am I discouraged.....No. Am I hopeful......of course! Am I determined...Absolutely !! I'm determined to keep it moving, keep it sexy, keep evolving and keep it fun.
So this year 2010 I'm going to share some of my experiences with you. I'm open to feed back so feel free to comment or ask questions if I'm not clear. I'll share my dating experiences or lack of. What I'm doing to expose myself to more prospects. I'll share my thoughts when I'm up at 3am writing in my journal, and basically share me being who I am.
Sometimes I'll say something that will be funny, freaky, serious, sad , silly or thoughtful but please do not be offended these are my thoughts. I will always be me of that you can be sure, so here goes a year in the life, experiences to learn from , welcome to Glendaliz 2010. CHRONICLES.
In 11 months I will celebrate my 45th birthday and I am still single. Should I move the date to maybe 47? or should I let 45 pass without a care because after all what I really desire is a healthy fulfilling relationship. I don't have to be married by 45 or even 47, but I do crave that special male/ female romantic relationship. I refuse to lose myself in the search of a mate to become a desperate woman willing to settle for spare moments, useless orgasms, and the fake company of Representatives. Been there done that, It did not bring me closer to my mate but it did take me to the edge of insanity which by the way is not fun at all.
Don't get me wrong I enjoy dating but it's a numbers game. The more men I get to know or date the higher my chances of meeting someone suited for me.
I've dated really great guys, and some not so great but the really great guys were great but not for me. I've dated men that said they were ready for a committed relationship, but did not even know what that looked like. A few men wanted to marry me after the first date, can we say restraining order? I've dated serial daters, and I even dated a man that wanted to make me wife number 4, yeah right!. With all this dating I was doing I still have not come close to finding my life partner. Am I discouraged.....No. Am I hopeful......of course! Am I determined...Absolutely !! I'm determined to keep it moving, keep it sexy, keep evolving and keep it fun.
So this year 2010 I'm going to share some of my experiences with you. I'm open to feed back so feel free to comment or ask questions if I'm not clear. I'll share my dating experiences or lack of. What I'm doing to expose myself to more prospects. I'll share my thoughts when I'm up at 3am writing in my journal, and basically share me being who I am.
Sometimes I'll say something that will be funny, freaky, serious, sad , silly or thoughtful but please do not be offended these are my thoughts. I will always be me of that you can be sure, so here goes a year in the life, experiences to learn from , welcome to Glendaliz 2010. CHRONICLES.
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