WEAK

“Sometimes I'm afraid to be weak because I fear I will be judged, then I realize that the judgment comes from me because I have never allowed myself to embrace my weakness“.
I posted that on my Face Book page. When I read it back to myself it just didn’t sit right with me I wasn’t sure if I was correctly articulating what and how I was feeling.
So I looked up the word WEAK . When I looked it up it did not describe what I was feeling at all. That made me wonder, why didn’t I ever look it up before?
I took it for granted that for years we have been throwing that word around like rice at a wedding and using it wrong.

I’ve always considered myself strong to the world , yet having personal moments of weakness. Moments when I felt defeated, helpless and emotional spent, moment when I would cry because I felt so overwhelmed with problems I myself created. I can honestly say I HATED being thought of as weak. Because I am not.

When I wrote the statement on face book I started to think about my weaknesses and I realize that what I was calling weakness was not weakness at all.
I’ve gone through things, endured pain, and made mistakes just like anyone else and maybe a little more than others. I hated the thought that others might think I was weak , if I cried, was too emotional, expressed my anger, or complained about an injustice. I kept my feelings very well tucked in or so I thought. I tried to be positive and upbeat but there were things happening in my life that would bring a grown man to his knees. I’m not WEAK. ! I would say this to myself as if to tell the world but the one that needed to believe it was me. I have made many strides in this journey called my life. Lost a few friends, family bonds that I thought were strong sort of dissolved but I was and I am willing to do this work of finding myself.

Which means really defining who I am on my terms and WEAK I am not. I am an emotional woman , full of compassion and grace and if that makes me weak I will be that because it’s who I am.
But if you look up the word Weak in the dictionary you will not find me there.
Now Vulnerable yes that I am !! Because I have chosen to open my heart to all there is to being me, so that I can reconnect with my soul. It’s actually my SOUL PURPOSE.
In being Vulnerable I open myself to all possibilities including the possibility to be hurt, taken advantage of and being harmed. Knowing theses things I still seek to take this journey and everyday I’m learning new things about myself, new feelings to explore and old ways that were not working for me find themselves discarded. It’s not easy walking to the beat of my own drum, making up the rules as I go along.

Yes I’m scared but I am by no means WEAK. I am vulnerable to being hurt, harmed, taken advantage of and all those thing we women seem to think make us WEAK , but when I open myself to those things I also open myself to be loved, trusted, comforted , cared for and most of all I open my mind to find the strength I need to be good to myself even when all else seems to be against me. I open myself to find that love within and it’s the most beautiful feeling in the world. No I am NOT a weak woman. I am a divine spiritual soul on a journey to reconnect and remember my true nature…LOVE



Sometimes I'm afraid to be weak because I fear I will be judged, then I realize that the judgment comes from me but I’m strong enough to understand that weakness is not of me. I don’t have to embrace my weakness because they never were. I choose not to judge myself, instead I can experience myself. And you know what it’s okay to be afraid, when I’m afraid it’s because I don’t know and when I don’t have any preconceived ideas of how things should be I’m open to the greatest possibilities of how things are. By allowing myself to let go of my idea or how it’s always been my soul speaks to me.

Tonight I allowed myself to be still so that I could understand what it was that I was feeling and this that I write was my answer. It’s not simple, maybe even complicated but when you really think about it, it’s my spirit teaching me that I’m important and the things that I think are true are false if they do not come from LOVE.
There is no real weakness, there is only acceptance of all that I am, and I am Everything !