being me

I was sitting at my desk at work and I felt hot all of the sudden, but not the kind of hot that comes from hot air but an inside kind of hot as if somebody raised the temperature in my body. At the same time I felt my heart start to race like when you are scared or something and I felt anxious. Now I’m just sitting at my desk, so why am I feeling this way? The heat leaves my body just as fast as it came but I feel as if my neck and face are damp and I actually grab some paper and start to fan myself. What the hell is going on here? I ask if anyone has turned the heat on. Nope heat is not on. My body begin to get back to normal and I get back to work when about 20 minutes later I feel the heat coming on again, this time I feel my face and ears get hot then the back of my neck, I start to fan myself again but all of the sudden I feel really dizzy and nauseous…..Could this be what women call hot flashes? Am I going through Menopause??? Nawww I’ll be fine. But I wasn’t fine I left work early because the dizziness did not stop and I continued getting wave after wave of these hot spells. I was due to facilitate a woman’s group that evening but I had to cancel it. I just was not feeling well and by 5pm I was feeling very fatigued. By the time I got home I was exhausted. What is happening to me??

I went through everything I thought it could be. I woke up feeling fine. What did I do? What the hell is going on with me?
Don’t get me wrong I’m not one of those women that refuse too get old. I know that getting old is inevitable and I intend to grow old as graceful as I can but at the same time there is no shame in wanting to be a hot ass 50 year old and that is my intention. So this hot flash, menopause thing has me a little scared. WHY do we women have to go through all these changes?

After speaking to my little sister Mari (whom I love very much because she is very intelligent . I had to put that in here cause I know she will read this) anyway after speaking to her and listening to her tell me what I was sounding like (she put my head back to where it’s suppose to be) I realized that I had a few fears that I had to deal with in regards to this Menopause issue. Before my body started playing tricks on me I use to say I was going through Menopause because it seem the men stopped ,paused and kept going….lol . I am single, and not really dating, and I’m definitely not getting any ummm stuff. Okay dayum I know we're grown!!! I’m not sexually active there I said it. Happy now? BUT that is by choice not because I’m holy saved and sanctified, or because I'm saving myself for the one, (although you could say that) ,not that those things are bad , I’m just saying that is not the reason nor is it because I’m part of some virginalvaginalrejuvenification (VVR) movement(I just made that up for real), that’s not me either although I know some females that maybe should look into that movement and give the stuff a break.
Anyway I digress, after speaking to my little sister I decided that I’m not going to let this get me down, after all this is just another aspect of being a woman I just have to make this work for me. If in fact I am going through Menopause then I have to find out all I can and deal with it the best way I can for Glendaliz because that really is the only way to deal with it. So First I have to schedule a Doctors appointment and yes your gonna have to go through that with me also. I hate going to the gynecologist but hey if I’m going to have a man between my legs he might as well be educated in all the trappings down there, cause lets be real some of the men we have laid up with might as well had been making pizza for all they knew about our vaginal constructions..... So I digress again, bear with me I forgot to mention that I think I might have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) or maybe it’s just the scattered Puerto Rican in me. Okay so , I’ll go get an Exam which by the way I’m sure will include a MAMOGRAM which I have also been avoiding because of all the horror stories I’ve heard about it. In the meantime I will continue to read up on it , try not to let it get to me and keep my head up, but one thing I’m a little scared about ……what is the VAGINAL DRYNESS thing…..OH MY GOD , can somebody tell me what the hell that means? ARE YOU FRIKEN KIDDING!!!!..............................can we talk about this?

Glendaliz (I ain't skurred) Torres